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Dating fearful women

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Because as much as feminism has helped women gain parity with men in the workplace and at home, there are still a lot of subtle but very real ways that women are required to police and monitor themselves.

So many things that men never even have to consider.

Fifteen years ago, I was running an ad agency, and we were asked to pitch for an online dating site.

To prepare, all of us on the team had to create a profile.

The rest of my team were married, living with someone, or dating, so they all made up fake personas.

I was single, and thought, “Well, I have to do this anyway, so why don’t I do it for real? I got an avalanche of responses, and to my surprise, the majority of them were from younger men. ” and I’ve been very happily dating younger men ever since. I have never wanted to be married, I’ve never wanted children, and I don’t want to be in a relationship in the conventional sense.

It's worth thinking about how much you alter your life — whether it's by taking a different route home, going home early, changing the way you dress or walk or wear your hair — in order to feel safe.

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Some women tell me they’d feel too insecure about their bodies to sleep with someone young, but when you operate on the criterion I do — that they have to be nice — you meet younger men who appreciate everything about older women.Readers of my book on heartbreak often ask me what aspect of it had the most profound effect on me personally.My answer is always that becoming familiar with the ins and outs of attachment theory has, quite simply, changed my life.For both men and women, emotional availability determines the potential strength of commitment, which is insurance against desertion or infidelity. “[Avoidant and anxious] attachment styles complement each other.Each reaffirms the other’s beliefs about themselves and about relationships.Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the level of hormones in our blood.…Dependency is a fact; it is not a choice or preference.”If you want to take the road to independence and happiness, find the right person to depend on and travel down it with that person.…The ability to step into the world on our own often stems fro the knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on – this is the “dependency paradox.”“If we are unsure whether the person closest to us, our romantic partner, truly believes in us and supports us and will be there for us in times of need, we’ll find it much harder to maintain focus and engage in life.